CHRISTMAS DANCE!!!!

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my horrid 20 minutes

So today Mike wanted McDonalds for lunch, chicken nuggets to be specific. I am not a big fan of Mickey D's anymore, but I don't mind getting him lunch. So I get in my car and remember that my gas light is on.
Crap.
Well, then I think to myself, "It's ok, there's a Shell station right next to McDonalds, so I can get gas right before I get food."
So I pull into the gas station and realize that all of the pumps say they are out of order. WTF?!? ugh. So I pull to the side to pull out my handy dandy iphone to find the nearest gas station. Here is a picture of where I am at...



So that car pulls up behind me, and starts freaking honking. Ok. There is plenty of room to go around me, and it's an empty place, so it's not like I'm "holding up the line." And I'm like, whatever asshole. So he finally goes around. Then I remember that there's a Mobil station not too far, so I turn around, pull out of the gas station and am at the other stop sign to the main street. I'm about to turn when asshol gets behind me again and lays on the horn. What the hell?! So I'm all pissed, flip him off, and go on my way. I get to Mobil, fill up, and make my way back to McDs. Super long ass drive thru line, whatever. So I order Mike his 20 piece chicken nuggets and 8 barbeque sauces. I finally get up to get my food and here's how the intelligent conversation goes...

Guy: Do you need any ketchup?
Me: uh, yeah. Are there any bbq sauces in there?
Guy: Yeah, there's two.
Me: Well I need 6 more.
Guy: Uh, no.
Me: (sarcastically) Uh, yeah. I told them I needed eight.
Guy: looks at receipt Oh, ok.

Like it being on the fucking receipt makes a difference? And who the hell are you to tell me NO?? I'm paying for this GD food. Grrrrrr.... but I finally am on my way home and start to leave McDs, and pass by the Shell station again...

...only to see that the pumps are now open.







DUN DUN DUN!!! haha, horrid horrid day.

geh.

I'm in another one of those weird moods. I can't seem to grasp the branch that is just out of reach, taunting me and telling me that it will take me to happiness. I get stuck in these ruts where I just want to be home with Mike. I become overwhelmed with this feeling of insecurity and fear and never really know how I got there in the first place. This fear that spreads throughout me like cancer is one of losing Mike, of never seeing him again. After Charly passed away I thought that I would have a better grip on my fear of death, but it only seems that it has worsened. I become afraid that I will leave the house never to see him again. I think about what I would do if something ever happened to him, and even though we aren't married, we are a family. It literally tears my heart in two just thinking about such a horrible event. I don't know what I would do with myself without that other half picking up my slack, knowing how to make me laugh when I'm mad, or caring about my well-being every second of the day. I just want to curl up next to him, feel his warmth and fall asleep. It makes me feel secure to have him there, even if he rolls back over after a few minutes; but I know that "spoons" me because I feel safe and comforted by it.
I guess I should just count my blessings and be appreciative that I have someone so wonderful in my life... but it's hard knowing that someone you love very much can disappear forever, especially when it's happened to me before with Charly.
I don't know. I'll figure something out... I'll probably feel better when I get to see him in the morning come home from work. I just wish I didn't have to feel this way.

I AM...

-ready for this election to be over with
-sick of people's bullshit
-realizing that i need to stop trying to impress people
-a screw up sometimes, i admit it. but damnit i'm human
-proud that i have a few really close friends
-skeptical of some people's motivations
-hoping to pass all my classes this semester
-upset that NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE!!! gah.


yup.

So it's been a while...

...a really long while since i have written, and a lot has happened.

Late August, i started school at csu fullerton. crazy me thought that it would be super easy to go to school full-time and work full-time. I'm trying to be a child and adolescent development major. I really enjoy it, have taken my cbest test so that i could substitute teach if i wanted... but i'm just hoping to get past this semester. now that all the tests and everything are starting to roll around i am finding it harder to have time to study, work, and spend whatever time i can with mike. i would really like to get this job that is opening up at my work... but i doubt that i will get it. i don't have experience, which sucks. but, i'm going to try anyway.

then a few weeks ago marked the 1 year date of charly passing. the weirdest thing was that the week leading up to it was actually harder than the day itself. i truthfully though feel scared everytime i leave the house because i am always afraid that i will never see mike again. i have always been apprehensive of the whole idea of death because of what i knew would come of charly. but, i thought that after this happening i would be somewhat relieved, but it has only made me more trepid. i can't help it, but i feel like everyday i am living in a silent fear.

then mike and me moved into our new apartment, and i love it there. it is more spacious than our last one, has a way bigger patio, and... the best of all... AN ATTACHED GARAGE!!! dun dun dun!! i was all excited when i went to ikea because now our apartment actually matches the other rooms. and i get to have my little plants, even if i catch the cats every now and then trying to eat them.



so yeah, basically i've been super stressed but hopeful of the future to come.

People that are stupid drive me insane !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wish that there was a way for all the stupid people to never be able to talk again. So that I wouldn't have to hear their raves and rants that mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.



So on a lighter note, Mike and me went to Vegas this past weekend. We left right after he got off work on Thursday morning and came back early Saturday morning. We had an absolute blast. We stayed at the Venetian, which was beautiful! I haven't been able to get the pictures on my computer yet =P But, basically in a nutshell, mike and i rock at gambling. for the money that we made we practically paid for our whole trip including gas, food, etc. We also got massages, which was definitely a first for me. especially having to be naked under a sheet while some lady gives me a massage, but i loved it! it was pretty cool too on friday night, our room had a view of the strip, so we were able to see firework shows from miles away all over the place. So, all in all, a great anniversary/fourth of july vegas trip. i definitely want to do it again.
Then on Saturday, I went with bailey and her sister randi to see the movie wanted. And, i actually enjoyed it a lot more than i thought that i would. it was funny, had a lot of action, cussing, and blood. haha. and i was really surprised that someone would bring their kids to the movie, but i guess you can't parent the parents. then we went to bj's, which i had not gone to in a long time, and thoroughly enjoyed. i wish i wouldn't have been so tired otherwise i would have stayed up with them that night =P

Sadly, today, i had to call and make an appointment at the vet for my older cat Tess. She has been vomiting a lot right after she eats, and yesterday i found some poop on the carpet, which is definitely not like her unless the litter box is completely full. i feel so bad that she might be sick, so im hoping that when i take her on thursday that it wont be something due to age (13) or anything, and that maybe she just has a virus that she needs some meds for or something. we'll see, my poor kitty!!!


ok, so that's the last week, sorry it was so long.

DVD's I want

I recently started to look at my DVD library and realized that i am missing a lot of movies that i love.

-The Goonies (which i used to have but have lost it)
-little miss sunshine
-anchorman
-princess bride
-labrynth
-monty python and the holy grail
-monty python and the meaning of life (which i have but is scratched beyond use)
-indiana jones movies


and thats all that i can think of for the moment. and with that, i leave you a little treat :]

Lately

there have been so many things on my mind... and not even just "things" but a variety of the type of things. Things that have to do with life, growing up, doing things for others, recreations, etc.

*Charly
*going back to school (which im excited for)
*marriage and all the stuff that follows
*michele going to africa
*how hopefully i can make a difference in someone's life
*and how my favorite movies are comedies that always somehow deal with sex or drugs, i cant help it, i think they are hilarious.


So, you can see what i mean by the variety. now you just got about 1% of what's actually going on in my head at any given moment.
And for whatever reason, this movie is in my head right now, I think I might go home and watch it =P

Inconceivable!!!

Ok, so I just watched The Princess Bride for the first time, and I have to say that it definitely gives The Goonies a run for it's money. Absolute great movie, I can't believe I didn't watch it until now, but I'm glad I did.



Prepare to die!

:)

im bored...

What is in the back of your car? random things... i can't help it. its always messy.

What color is your toothbrush? dark blue and white

Name one person that made you smile today? mike saying cute things about goaty

What were you doing at 8 am today? sleeping

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? uh, watching something on youtube

What is your favorite candy bar? not big on candy, hurts mah teef, but if it didn't it would be twix

Have you ever been to a strip club? no, and i dont really plan on it either

What is the last thing you said aloud? "I want a neopolitan shake from in-n-out" haha

What is the best ice cream flavor? oreos cookies and creme

What was the last thing you had to drink? water, like usual

What are you wearing right now?my stupid uniform

What was the last thing you ate? sushi and some udon

Have you bought any new clothing items this week? i wish.

When was the last time you ran? gosh, like a few weeks ago... i gotta go!

The last sporting event you watched? the angels/blue jays game last night, i was there!

What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? kettle corn!

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on Myspace? dawndee

Ever go camping? long time ago yeah

Do you take vitamins daily? no.... :(

Do you go to church every Sunday? no

Do you have a tan? haha, its been a while

Do you like Chinese food over pizza? no, pizza is better

Do you drink your soda with a straw? not if its in a can

What did your last text message say? "aww. i can always count on ronni to make me feel better! wait... are u just saying that so we dont have to go to the gym?!"

Are you someone's best friend? :)

What are you doing tomorrow? work

Where is your dad? prob at home?

Look to your left, what do you see? boxes and a printer

What color is your watch? my cell phone is white. haha

What do you think of when you think of Australia? how we were supposed to go there for water polo in high school

Do you use chap stick? yeah, soft lips

What is your birthstone? topaz

What is your favorite number? 8. the best number ever

Do you have a dog? no :(

Last person you talked to on the phone? uhh... something for work

Have you met anyone famous? yeah

Any plans today?you mean tonight? sleep.

How many states have you lived in? only the 1

Do you dye your hair? i have. but i quit cold turkey... its been over a year

Biggest annoyance in your life right now? driving to work

Last song listened to?


Can you say the alphabet backward? yessum, and i have wee sing silly songs vhs tape to thank for that :)

Do you have a maid service clean your house? yes, and her name is ronni

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? my rainbows

Are you jealous of anyone? yes, stupid people that can eat crap and have great bodies

Is anyone jealous of you? im sure they are. hahaha, wow.

Do you love anyone? but of course.

Do any of your friends have children? not any of my close friends.

Do you eat healthy? relatively

What do you usually do during the day? sleep usually, and up during the night

Do you hate anyone that you know right now? haha yeah

Do you use the word "hello" daily? uh, "hi" maybe

What color is your car? the technical color is thundercloud. hehe

Do you like cats? yes! and mine are the best :)

Have you ever been to Six Flags? a looooonnnnng time ago

How did you get your worst scar? falling at the bowling alley in 7th grade

The next movie you will see? either sex and the city or the hulk

The last movie you saw? chronicles of narnia prince caspian, awesome movie!

This Past Year...

...has been truly, the most interesting of the 22 that I have lived. I can honestly say that while it has included the most heart-wrenching event I think (and hope) will ever happen in my life, that it has also included some of the best.

May of 2007-

I started my current job. Granted, it may not be the dream job I would like, or include some of the best people to work with, but I truly am appreciative for having it. Considering my age and job experience, I receive more than I probably should.

July 2007 -

Marked 3 years that Mike and I have been together. I know it sounds a little hokey, but I knew that reaching a 3 year mark where it didn't feel like such a destructive mark, made known to me that I will be with this man the rest of my life. I can honestly say that since approximately our 1 year mark, we have been past the puppy-love stage, and I know that I can completely be myself around him in every way, and never be ashamed of it. Even though on a daily basis he likes to say things just to make me angry and see me get upset and then laugh about it afterwards; he still knows how to cheer me up and put a smile on my face by just being the goofy guy that he is. And the one thing that always shocks me is when it comes time to buy me a present (birthday, anniversary, christmas [and sometimes valentines]) he always knows what to get me. I never tell him what I want because I really don't know what to say, but he will remember something that I have said several months prior to what I might like to have someday, and he will remember it. He truly is a remarkable man and I wouldn't trade him for anybody in the world.......even Hugh Jackman.

September 2007 -

Obviously marked the worst month I have ever experienced in my life. I will never be able to get some of the worst things out of my head. I remember on the 8th, it was a Saturday and Joey called me and told me I needed to be there asap (this was when I was living with my aunt in Temple City). I immediately called work and told them I had a family emergency (and the weird thing was that before work the night before, I had been at my family's house, and I knew that something different was going to happen, premonition I suppose), and the whole 45 minutes that seemed like 10 hours to get to my parents house, I kept telling myself that it couldn't be true. That night, while she seemed to perk up a bit after a while and what seemed to be a "false alarm," I can vividly remember sitting next to her on the couch in my parent's room, holding her hand and watching tv with her and my dad (even though she was in too much pain to watch it with us). Each moment will be engrained into my memory; her squeezing my hand harder at times when I knew it was because she couldn't take the pain, asking for me to hold it harder, etc. Well, the funeral was difficult, but at the same time somewhat happy just because I knew that she would never have the pains in her chest again and that she could surf, play soccer and eat all the sushi and cheesecakes she wants. Although, I can honestly say that I didn't think that I could miss her as much as I do; especially since I wanted so badly for her to be my maid of honor.

But, on a good note in September, Mike and I did move in together. While a big step in our relationship, I think that it was something that we both needed personally on a different level, more so emotionally. Because of Charly's passing, and other family issues on both of our sides, we needed the comfort of each other and the dependency on each other to be our own little family and take care of each other.

November 2007 -

My first birthday and Thanksgiving without Charly. Enough said.

December 2007 -

Obviously the hardest of the holidays to be the first. We had just my parents, Joey, and my grandparents over at our tiny apartment (which did prove to be difficult for 7 people in a 750 sq. ft. apartment). But, nonetheless, it did turn out better than I think any of us had expected. We of course were spoiled with gifts (as we are every year), but being in a small living space proved to be a bit difficult to find places for all of our new toys. I also got to reunite with some awesome friends that I have had forever and never took advantage of having. They pulled through for me in my time of need, and of course we got to spend Christmas night together =P New Years rolled around, and I was a little sad because Mike had to work, so I hung out with Joey and his friends, which wasn't bad at all, I just missed Mike. No kiss at midnight for me =P

February 2008 -

The best Valentines gift EVER!!! My little baby kitty with thumbs came into our lives! At the time she was only 3 months old and weighed a mere 2 lbs. I was glad that we got to get her from the shelter because I like being able to give an orphaned pet a home. I really wanted to bring home her sister too, but we just simply didn't have the room. We didn't get to bring Goaty home until the 18th, but since that day she has been a permanent part of the family.

May 2008 -

Marked my one year point (and passing of probation) at my job. I am thankful for passing probation since a prior co-worker who started just a few months before me didn't quite make the mark. I think that I am doing well, and while although I am still learning, I honestly think that I excel at what I do. I believe that it opens up a lot of doors for me to advance in the future.

So all in all, this year has been difficult. I believe that the experiences have permanently changed me, but made me a better person and gave me a different (better) outlook on how to live my life. This summer will mark mine and Mike's 4 years together, which we will be celebrating with a trip to Vegas. I love this man to death and am very excited. I also will be going back to school this fall to start on my Bachelor's degree (Cal State Fullerton)... thank God for already having my A.A., so hopefully it will only take me 2 more years! So, while although I experience the emotional rollercoaster and miss my little sister like noneother, I have a wonderful life and have learned that I just have to make the best of it and take advantage of all the opportunities that present themselves. I very much look forward to my future, because I know that it holds some wonderful things ahead.

the new chronicles of narnia

I saw the new Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian. And to tell you the truth, even though I didn't really want to go at the time, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I was a bit skeptical to go just because I really wanted to see the new Indiana Jones movie, and of course Mike wanted to see something else...

...okay, im sorry, i have to add a side note here. i hate capitalizing and adding apostrophes when i type, so im not going to anymore. i have no reason to, im not being graded on this. so yeah, back to my story...

well i was a little hesitant to go see Narnia, especially since it had been a while since i saw the first one. im a little weird when it comes to seeing sequels. i want to be completely caught up before i see the next one so im not trying to remember what happened before while trying to watch something new.

for being (relatively) a kid movie, it was darker than i expected. there were a few fight scenes and people getting killed, which surprised me. i enjoyed the story line; i was totally caught up in it and wanted more. the cool thing was that mike and i were the only ones in the theater (we saw it at 945 in the morning), so we were able to talk about it and ask questions without having to whisper.

i think i enjoyed it even more because since i was a kid i have become completely enthralled with fairy-tale like stories. they always made me jealous because i wanted to be one of the characters being swept away from the ordinary world. even when i got home i fell asleep, and had somewhat of a narnia-esque type of dream, and kept going back to sleep to see where it would take me (hence my status on myspace). the story that i wanted to happen to me the most was the nutcracker. i wanted to be the girl that had all the cool fantasy-like things happen... i guess i still do.

so all in all, narnia was great, i give it 5 stars, 2 thumbs up, go see it.